Lately I have felt the need to reevaluate myself. The same theme seems to keep coming up. More of God and less of myself. However, when I used to start to think this way I would start to sink in to a depressive state to the point where I would make myself feel so unworthy and I would leave with less confidence in myself and God. But I have realized lately that when we say more of God and less of ourselves, it does not mean to put yourself down, but rather allow God to be the one to give you the confidence and raise you up.
We do need to get to a point of reevaluating ourselves. We need to "clean house" and start to realize that without God we are nothing. That without God we are just dust floating in the wind with no since of direction. That without God we are sinful and prone to sin. Sometimes we have to let God sift out all the "dirt" in our lives so we can end up clean and pure without blemish. But we should never put ourselves down in this process but rather allow God to transform us into His glory! He needs to be our confidence and the reason why we can hold our head up high. Its not by our power but God's power that gives us our self confidence. When you change your thinking from trying to gain self confidence on your own and allow God to give you that confidence you will be more humble than ever and he will be more glorified.
Peter had to go through a "sifting" process when he denied Jesus three times. The scripture says that after he denied Jesus "The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: 'Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.' And he went outside and wept bitterly." (Luke 22:61-62) Peter reached a point in his life where he had to realize how unworthy he was so God could make Peter worthy in Him. Perhaps if Peter had not had such a "sifting" process he would have not been the one God would use to preach and lead the new church! Beth Moore said in her book Jesus the One and Only, "Peter had to come face-to-face with the fact that in him no good thing dwelled. Only then would he be willing to deny himself and exist for the sole purpose of Jesus' renown." The "sifting" process is painful because we have to come face to face with our sinful selves. But the aftermath of what is left is a beautiful love story where you have more confidence in yourself than ever because you are drawing from the One who shines from you all of his glory and blessing.
Beth Moore made a statement once that has stuck with me. "I want no part of myself. None. I want Jesus to so thoroughly consume me that I no longer exist. I am far to destructive. I would do far too much to deny his lordship. One regret I will never have is that God got me 'over myself' by letting me confront the truth that in me dwells no good thing."
When God looked at Peter in Luke 22:61 I highly doubt it was a look of disappointment. I imagine that God looked at Peter with love and Peter realized that he was completely vulnerable to God at that moment. Peter had nothing to hide and perhaps the reason why he wept so bitterly is that he realized even though he denied Jesus three times, God did not condemn him but loved him still. Oh how beautiful and forgiving God is. Allow him to be your confidence today despite what you think of yourself or what you have done! He is the healer and the one that looks at you with love and compassion.